crowdtap fail

i was selected to participate in a sample and share for woolite extra dark care.  i LOVE sample and shares and the hosted parties.  it is such a great way to try out products!  anyway, this one was a bust from the beginning.  crowdtap had a huge delay in shipping out the product to begin with.  and once i received my package????  well, it came in a torn apart shipping box, with gaping holes on either end, a sticker indicating it was "damaged in handling" (no sh*t sherlock!) and had to be "repackaged in seattle" due to the damage.  inside the box, were TWO samples.  one sample was even without the plastic protective packaging that the other had.  and the other TEN samples i was to receive?  the good lord only knows that.  and no welcome letter that i was to receive as well.  *sigh*  some sample and share this will be!

i FINALLY received a response regarding the issue from the feedback form(s) i submitted, and they are checking into it.  but there is NO way i can get the rest of the samples in time for the deadline.  so i suppose i will just do my report on the two samples i received in this sample and share.

i am giving my one extra sample to my mother in law.  she does foster care for 7 BOYS.  i imagine if anyone could use a sample of a detergent that keeps your darks dark, she does!  she is out of town right now, so i will have to wait to give it to her.  but i am sure she will love it.

the lovely box








my two sad, sad samples

sticking with two...

the past week or so has definitely solidified for me that i don't want another kid.  at least not for a LONG time.  i know everyone touts, "you'll miss these days when your kids are all grown up..." but i think that's a load of shit.  the days i'll miss are the ones where i feel loved by my children.  there are one or two of those here and there.  but mostly, i feel used.  my two little girls have mastered disobeying, disrespecting, and throwing major tantrums when they don't get what they want.  and listening?  definitely not.  it is so hard to have day in and day out where my children ask me for this and beg me for that and whine about this and then, when i try and snuggle, kiss, or love on them, tell me to leave them alone, give them space, or simply shriek at me to let them go.  very comforting as a mother.  makes me want to spend more time with them, for sure, right?

i am having a very hard....month, i suppose.  and with steve so often gone at basketball, i feel alone.  my friends are all going on family vacations and trips and taking their kids to the park and water features and amusement parks.  i am sitting on my ass at home while my husband is at yet another weekend tourney.  or practice.  or had such a hard week at work that all he wants to do is sit on his butt at home.

so, are these the days i'm going to miss?  no.  not one iota.  i'll miss (and already do) the days when my children snuggle up to me and tell me they love me.  i won't miss the nights where they can't figure out how to stay in their bed and sleep through the night and wake up fussing and crying and back talking and whining.  definitely not those nights.  not the days where i get whiplash from my two year old talking sweetly to me one second and then yelling at me the next.

i feel awful, but i wish i had more days away from my kids.  i feel suffocated.  i need more breaks.  spending all day, every day with these girls treating me like this is really wearing me thin.  and when daddy gets home?  oh, they are all lovey on him.  they want special daddy dates.  they want daddy home.  makes me feel like shit.  but hell, i want daddy home too, so i guess it's par for the course.  and when do my girls want me?  at nap time.  at bed time.  whenever i am trying to get a minute of peace to keep myself from screaming.  so then i feel even more like a crappy parent because all i want is to be left alone at that point.  i wish i had more time to myself so that i could come back and actually MISS my children.  and maybe even have them miss ME.

so, are we going to have another kid?  nope.  not likely.  so can i please stop seeing pictures of cute babies everywhere!  and now i have to go tell my youngest to stop crying and get back in her bed and take her nap.

About Emma, age 4

i'm a few months late in this, but i want to start this tradition.  i asked emma a few questions and hope to remember to do this every year.

Emma, age 4

favorite color:  pink, purple, green
favorite food: fruits, jelly & honey sandwich (which she's never had together!)
what she wants to be:  a princess fairy
best friends: ava, addie, avery
favorite cartoon: duck tales, special agent oso
favorite candy: cotton candy
favorite movie: aladin
favorite song: cinderella song
favorite toy: rapunzel doll
favorite activity:  dress up

madagascar 3 crowdtap party

i was selected to host a madagascar 3 circus party through crowdtap.com.  they sent a digital pdf kit to use for decorations and games.  i printed out some of the masks and the coloring sheets an made little gift packets for the kids we had over.

we had 10 girls under the age of 5 in the house!  it was CRAZY!  we had the girls take some pictures wearing their masks.  i had some finger food munchies set out for them and some punch for the moms.

we went outside to play in the backyard for a bit, given the weather was PERFECTION.  after some playing, we went back inside for some more snacks and then i cut the "zebra" cake.  the stripes didn't turn out quite as well, but it tasted delicious.  and that's what counts, in my opinion.  :)

the girls took home their coloring sheets and masks and took off home for the day.  it was a blast!

i have some pictures to post later once i upload them. :)

waking strange...

so very strange....i must have slept fantastic last night, because i was completely disoriented this morning! i woke up suddenly at 6:00 am, with the low lighting coming in the window.   i saw that it was 6:00 and thought it was PM and that i must have taken a nap and just woken up.  i tried to remember what i was doing before my "nap" and couldn't remember anything!  i could not, for the life of me, figure out how i got into my bed for a nap.  my youngest was sleeping next to me and i figured she must have woken from her nap and come in to go back to sleep with me.  i wondered if emma was still sleeping, or if she had gotten up and was playing somewhere.  i looked at what i was wearing and tried to put it all together.  i could not remember getting in bed for a nap!  but it was 6:00!!  was steve home from work yet?  what would he think if he got home and found me in bed at 6pm!  still completely disoriented and a bit worried that i couldn't remember laying down for a nap, i decided to look at my phone's clock.  it said 6:00AM!  *whew*!  it was just morning and i must have simply slept LIKE THE DEAD for me to wake up so out of it!  such a very strange sensation!  at least i know i got a good night's sleep!

Crazy Dangerous book review

Crazy Dangerous
by Andrew Klavan

Sam Hopkins is the "preacher's kid" in town.  He's the good boy who no one acts normal around, and one day decides to hang with the wrong crowd.  While at first Sam experiences the thrill of hanging with the school thugs, he knows that in short time, things will go too far.

Jennifer is a little strange.  Eccentric.  She hears voices telling her of the evil they plan.  She has hallucinations of demons bringing about death.  When one day Sam witnesses his thug "friends" harassing Jennifer, Sam stands up to them to save her; and while he loses one set of friends, he gains a very strange new one in Jennifer.

When Sam discovers that Jennifer's hallucinations might just be more than they seem, Sam has to decide if he has the courage to dig deeper and confront these "demons" that Jennifer believes are about to commit terrible deeds.


I found this book very juvenile and lackluster.  Before learning more about Jennifer's "condition", the writing felt very....annoying and silly with the repetitive phrases and silly made-up words Jennifer used.  Even after coming to understand the mental issues behind the verbiage used, I still found it a little annoying.

I did not care for any of the characters and found Sam's actions to be wholly unbelievable when it came to actions he took on Jennifer's behalf.  While likely a very quick read, due to it's simple nature, I found it took me quite a while to get through because it simply did not capture my interest.

I can completely see this book being appealing to a much younger audience, but for me (age 32), I thought it didn't have enough redeeming qualities to keep my attention.  And, sadly, I am not sure that I will try any other of Klavan's works (even though he has been highly lauded as an author), because of this first impression.

This book was provided to me for free by Thomas Nelson Publishing through BookSneeze in exchange for my honest review.  Thank you Thomas Nelson Publishing.

what does my window look like?

today my inspiration comes from a quote that i have had hanging in my kitchen for a while.  i have forgotten to look at it apparently.  and i mean REALLY look at it.

better keep yourself clean and bright.  you are the window through which you must see the world.
-george bernard shaw

i had originally put the quote up as an inspiration to keep my home cleaner.  but today, i see so much more in that quote.  how clean are MY windows?  you know, the windows that are all over me...my eyes?  my posture?  my mouth and words?  my thoughts?  have i been keeping those windows bright and clean?

lately, i think the answer is a very sad, "no."  i have such a blessed life.  i have a husband who loves and cherishes me.  i have two AMAZING children, who are SO intelligent and SO loving.  i have a beautiful home.  and i have even been able to start developing some friendships with some great ladies i met through my eldest's preschool.  so why am i not looking out a clear and shiny window?  why has my perspective been cast in dirt and grime?

i've had some low self-esteem issues throughout my life.  and while i know i am an intelligent, strong, caring person; i still have doubts that i know what i am doing half the time.  am i a good wife?  a good mother?  have the decisions i've made in my life been the "right" ones?  and that tendency toward insecurity tends to weed in doubts.

my girls are your average two-and-a-half and four year olds.  they love each other.  they fight.  they cause chaos in the living room that i just tidied up for the umpteenth time.  they fight.  and after day in and day out (oh, did i mention that i am BLESSED to stay home with my girls?!) of the roller-coaster ride that is ANY sibling relationship at this age, especially with two girls so close in age, i find myself questioning if i am teaching them well enough.  if i am a good enough mother.  if, perhaps, it is all beyond my abilities.

i forget to look at the fact that my girls are two of the most loving, caring, affectionate girls on the planet.  they show each other love.  they show my husband and me love.  heck, they show friends who would rather be left some space just how much they love them!  i think it is safe to say that my girls are getting what they need.

and yet, i struggle some days.  rather than see that my girls want to crawl in bed with me at night as evidence that they feel safe there, i think that i have done something drastically wrong in teaching my children to sleep at night!  i have always been a rather private person when it comes to my personal space.  i like (and truly need) my "me" time.  but somehow rather than seeing the blessings, i find myself focusing on the dirt.  the scum on my window.  and, pretty soon, i don't even realize that i've let the dirt build up.   and what comes out of my mouth, my body language, my thoughts are coated in filth.  why would anyone want to be around that?  what would you think if you were at a house with dirt covered windows?

and, if i'm not careful, it can turn into a negative spiral.  proof that i don't know what i'm doing.  the negativity simply reenforcing that i am not a good enough person.  that dang insecurity!

but this morning i looked at that quote on my wall.  and i read it differently.  it isn't just about taking care of one's surroundings.  heck, it isn't about bathing regularly either.  it is about keeping my whole being: my body, my soul, my mind, clean and bright.  i need to look at the blessings in my life!  when my children fight and argue, but can't stand to be away from each other (no matter how many times they demand, "space!"), i need to see that my girls LOVE each other!  they are simply still learning how to communicate their needs and express their feelings for one another.  when they won't give me a moment's peace....it is because they love me and want my attention and affection.

i need to cast off the dirt.  stop focusing on the negative.  it can come up so subtly sometimes!  oh, i'm just venting and commiserating...NO MORE!  all i am doing is trying to clean my windows with a dirty cloth.  perhaps it is good to chat with other moms about things so that you can see certain stages are normal.  but i need to focus on the blessings in my life.  i've said this before to myself...and perhaps may have to remind myself a time or two more.  but today i will look out a bright and clean window!

Lord knows i have a good view!