a work in progress

okay, i am going to try and start doing my best to watch what i say. i seem to have a tendency to say things that hurt people's feelings. i can have a harsh tone and when i tend to say what's on my mind, it becomes a recipe for disaster.

i'm not very good at interacting with people, it seems. spending all day, almost every day at home with two small children doesn't help much. and with a toddler, saying "no" and responding quickly to negative behavior doesn't help my censorship much. i've always worn my feelings on my sleeve. it is not hard to tell how or what i am feeling or thinking. but lately it has brought me some problems.

i have come to the point where i am inclined to just keep my mouth shut around people. or go one step farther and just not spend time with people. i don't like leaving somewhere wondering if i said something to upset someone. but that is who i've become. i've been told one too many times that i say hurtful things and now i feel like a bad person. and i know that i can come across harsh at times too. so when people say i've upset them at things that i didn't even expect, then i just think maybe i should stop talking altogether.

i am always worried that something i said or did will have bothered someone and that they are secretly upset with me. and then i occasionally get letters that confirm that very thing.

so i am trying to monitor what comes out of my mouth. it is rather tough given i'm a 'say what you mean' kind of person. but it seems that if i want to have and keep friends, this is what i must work on.

so for all of you out there to whom i have said something upsetting...please forgive me. and i can sure as heck guarantee you that it will not be the last time i do it. though i am working on it.

i am, as they say, a work in progress.